JOE Williams, a first grade NRL player and father, had everything going for him in in 2006 when he first realised he had a mental illness.
At 16, he had moved on his own from his hometown of Wagga Wagga to Sydney to do his HSC while pursuing his dream with the football - first with South Sydney, then Penrith Panthers and Canterbury Bulldogs.
He lived with big Artie Beetson in Sydney and although he had good support, he thought he was just homesick and everybody else went through extreme ups and downs.
His feelings continued as he grew older and as an indigenous athlete, he felt the lure of his country and his extended family.
Joe's former wife was the first to recognise his mood swings, and suggested he see a doctor because she thought he had depression and was bipolar.
"Obviously I dug my toes in at that because at that time mental illness was still very stigmatised," Joe said.
"NRL people did not have any weaknesses at all.
"I pushed my feelings down by using alcohol and prescription drugs as I was searching for something.
"I had extreme ups and downs, but I didn't talk openly about it until last year when I released a film, The Enemy Within.
"I lost a couple of close friends to suicide and tried to take my own life in 2011.
"Although I got medication in 2006/07, later in my journey I was diagnosed with bipolar.
"Looking back, it makes sense that it's been affecting me my entire life through nobody else's fault."
Now Joe is an ambassador for mental health, and is an education support worker at Mater Dei College in Wagga, as well as other schools.
However, he arrived there via a tortuous route.
He went through a few relationship break-ups and was married, had two children, separated and divorced.
He went overseas with a Dubbo girl to play footy and when she fell pregnant they moved back to Dubbo to have the baby and he coached a local side.
When that relationship ended he was on his own one afternoon and wrote farewell letters to his three children.
He woke the next day, having tried to end his life, and it took him days to come to terms with what he'd done.
So he sought help and spent a week in hospital.
About that time his mother had three life-saving operations to remove nine aneurisms on her brain.
Before she went under anaesthetic he made a pledge to her that he would move home if she came out of the operation or not.
Thankfully she did, so now he is back in his own "country" in Wagga with his fiance Courtney and their boy, Ari, who's just turned one.
"Courtney knows when I am having a bad day," he said.
Joe regularly sees his other children Brodi, 10, Phoenix, 9, and Rome, 4.
During all his struggles after footy, professional boxing has been Joe's outlet.
"It saved my life, mentally," he said.
"When I am not well I get back into training and working hard.
"Physical exercise is like a mild antidepressant."
Joe is still on medication and says his attempt on his life came when he neglected to take his drugs.
"Now, compared to then, if ever I have to take medication I will," he said.
"I still have my down days but it's what I do to manage me that sets me apart.
"I live by the motto to improve my life by one per cent all the time."
Joe has been touring the countryside giving mental health talks to young people, spruiking the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.
He gets the word out on social media and runs youth workshops, also called The Enemy Within, about his journey of recovery.
"The biggest thing with what we do is helping others - it helps us," he said.
Visit www.joewilliams.com.au
